A baby with Down's Syndrome and an unwed teenage daughter who is pregnant—any one of these two is enough to stop a super-parent on his or her track, and yet Sarah Palin is running for Vice President of the United States. It makes me think perhaps the VP job really is just a placeholder for if something happens to the Commander in Chief. Palin's nomination has brought out a frenzy of blogging about work/life balance and working moms and I am just amazed that she actually accepted the nomination when she's got so much going on. It really matters not whether she's a mom or a dad—any parent who's got that much on his/her hands probably need a less demanding job.
In comparison what I am doing almost seems like a breeze, and I always thought my job is a crazy choice for a mom. As I said, I don't really think my male counterparts who are parents are doing all that great in balancing their lives either, but I think investment banking may be especially hard to manage for a mom. There is virtually no flexibility in the job and long hours are the norm. Even when I do have free time, I'm usually too exhausted by then to be a truly effective parent. I look around me, and at least for the part of the firm I can see, I have absolutely no role models. Sometimes the demands of this job combined with my guilt of not fulfilling my responsibilities as a mom really shred me to pieces.
I woke up early this morning to get some work done and to spend time with the children before work. When I told the children that I'd be leaving soon for work, my 18-month old son looked at me with his big innocent eyes and said, Mama don't leave! In that moment I felt as if air had been sucked out of me but I daren't linger on the fantasy of actually fulfilling his wish.
Sometimes even when I can leave work early to catch a bit of play time with the children before they go to bed, I linger at work. Seeing how desperate the children need and want me around can send daggers to my heart. Yes, I question and regret my choice all the time, and I admit I am weak. I'd rather attempt this impossible juggle than scale back in fear that I would be considered not successful enough. And yet what does success mean? If it means taking home a pretty hefty paycheck every month and especially at the end of the year, I'm getting there; if it means happiness in a more holistic sense, I'm a shameful and massive failure. My choice of profession makes everyone in my family that much less happy.
I can go on and on about this but I ought to either go home or go back to work. I laugh when I hear people tout how investment banking has the best talents. That's just not possible—half of the population doesn't even participate! It's no wonder that the market has gone to shits with the subprime crisis—your friendly neighborhood investment banker has definitely played his part.
Note: please don't come back with the tiresome oh by I know this MD who is a woman and has five children and she participated in the conference call while in labor shit. Those women are not normal, I repeat, not normal, ok? This is why Palin's bad for us. I'm sure if I chugged most of my responsibilities as a mom I, too, can climb the investment banking corporate ladder. Yes, it's doable, just not preferable. Think of it this way—can you manage to cover a mile with your feet bound and your arms tied? Yes you can, but would it feel good or do anyone any good? That's your answer for how parents with crazy jobs manage.
