I've been blogging before "weblog" had turned into "blog". In all my blogging years I'd never had a post that generated this much traffic and reaction. I had thought that it was a fairly uncontroversial entry, but I've learned that any time you touch upon a topic that is at all remotely related to motherhood issues, you are guaranteed to get a lot of reactions.
I had usually kept my opinionated side on a leash, but had always itched to blog about issues that had to do with work-life balance. In addition to having given these issues a lot of thought, I really wanted to find out what other parents thought.
Overall, I thought the comments were reasonable and relatively respectful. I could tell that a few moms were maybe a bit miffed and perhaps offended by bits and pieces here and there, but people didn't leash out or flame me. For that I am grateful.
I agree with some of the things some of the moms pointed out. For example, I had mentioned that if I were to stay home, my mom would lose bragging rights, which implies that being a stay at home mom is not something to be proud of. A mom said that was offensive to stay at home moms. I have to say I agree, and I know that I am guilty of thinking that being a stay at home mom isn't something to be proud of from time to time (that is, in addition to not being very fun for me personally). From what I've read and learned along the way, a good proportion of people do feel that those who stay at home with the children instead of developing a career are not as interesting, accomplished, [you fill in more adjectives], etc. I took six months off after Jojo's birth and during that time in meeting with my husband's colleagues in Beijing, I felt insecure. It could be imaginations generated by my insecurity, but I would surmise that a number of them would have written me off if I had told them that I didn't plan on going back to work. I wish people didn't judge and we only needed to live with our own choices and happiness, but as we live in a interconnected world that is just not possible unless we stopped interacting with others. Sometimes I tell myself, eff it who cares what other people think, but I know I'm entirely free from worrying how others might view me.
Sometimes I wonder what I would do if we had achieved our "number" financially. I would probably still work, but no way in heelll would I be working in consulting or investment banking or any job that requires me to work the hours that I'd rather be doing something else. A lot of stay at home moms actually are quite busy running PTAs at their children's school or participating in other community building activities. I'd probably do that if I could fit in with the other moms.
The purpose of my previous blog was simply for me to express how I felt about being a working mom. All moms have a tough job and a lot of us struggle with our choices. It was just a chronicle of my personal struggle. As I am always eager to please, it was hard to read some of the harsher comments, but it was still better than having no comments. I admit that I was more eager to read the comments that agreed with me, but it was also enlightening to read from those who didn't. In the end, if it provided an interesting read to others, then my work is done. Maybe if I am feeling especially brave next time I'll chronicle my struggle with race issues.
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1 comment:
Thank you so much for these last two blog entries. As someone who has felt like she was missing the "mommy" gene since becoming a mom, I cannot imagine not working and yet I envy the easy and happy relationship that many SAHMs on the blogsphere seem to have with their scions and their situation. I work because I feel I must. Hubby is in a low-paying job with very little stability because he loves it, and economically, he should be the SAH, but I can't make him give up what he lives for.
I know EXACTLY what you mean about help. We are barely surviving with a full time nanny, and when we tried daycare for a shortwhile, that constant insecurity of illness and no school made planning miserable. As I've told you, we're also thinking about going back to China, but we are afraid of the very things you mentioned, that sense of entitlement that American born children get in that environment. We're also extremely concerned about air-quality... has that been an issue for you?
Hope work has been going well for you.
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