Woe To Thee, Parents of Beautiful Children

Sometime last week we ran into a pregnant lady ambling along with her mom. Upon seeing the four of us—me, Auntie, Juju and Jojo, they stopped to admire Jojo (the baby boy). They praised him for his fair skin (highly prized by my fellow Chinese), his big earlobes (foretells a life of happiness and fortune), and his lady-killer looks. Then, inevitably, they noticed Jujube. If Jojo merely stopped them short on their tracks, Juju left them breathless. Ok, that was a bit exaggerated, just a bit. The mother was flabbergasted that not only did we have two children, but also that both children should be so good looking. Really, I’m actually being modest here-you really ought to have seen them (the women, I mean; well, and my kids, too; that might help).

Without even asking for our names, she dove straight for what really mattered:

How were the children born? (meaning: vaginal birth or C-section?)

How long were the deliveries?

Did I use contraceptives after Juju was born? (I couldn’t help but blush at that one, but I still answered honestly.)

Did my menses even return before getting knocked up again? (Yes, I even answered that one honestly. What can I do? These people are my neighbors)

Then, what really nailed me was her last comment. She exclaimed, “How is it you are so good at having babies?” I couldn’t help but chuckle at that one.

Fine, I’ll admit that I could barely contain my pride every time someone passes by and tells me just how beautiful my children are. But that pride is always tainted with something disconcerting. They aren’t doing it in the sense that they do it to all babies: my children really do seem more eye-catching than the average Chinese child. Sure, they’ve been praised as cute kids in the U.S. as well, but only in the sense that most people love looking at babies. Here, people are singling Juju and Jojo out for their looks. It worries me. When they are old enough to understand, I worry that it’ll turn on their vanity; a focus on looks can consume a young adolescent. I’ve already told all of my immediate family and Auntie to never praise the kids for their attractiveness.

In conclusion, who would have thought in the land with millions of Chinese kids mine would stand out. There is a common belief amongst the Chinese that good looking children often turn out not to be so good-looking once they grow up, so more reasons for me to teach the kids that looks are far less important than character and personality.

What makes me really sad is that not once did the people tell me how good-looking the kids are and then look at me and say, oh I see where they get it from.